If i could tip my vagina, i would.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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