I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
