the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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