Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
