I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
