I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
