At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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