I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
