I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
