taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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