remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
