Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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