I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
