Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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