Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
