remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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