Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they need to just BURY HIM!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
