Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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