I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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