So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
