We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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