if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
