I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
