You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
