I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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