I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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