I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
