who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is your mom at the bar?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
