Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
