you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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