no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my being single is dangerous.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
