He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
