god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
