dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
