Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
