Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
