Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
