So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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