My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
