I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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