The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
