This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
