her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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