I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk is a universal language darling
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