I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
