wakey wakey hands off snakey
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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