My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
