Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
