Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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