my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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