we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
