Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
